"Fantasies"

I was asked by a reader to address sexual fantasies between a husband and wife, if that is sinful or not. At first, I did not want to deal with it because it is a very difficult topic but on the other hand, it is a needful topic because of what others may be experiencing in their personal lives. It is a real, legitimate question that needs to be addressed with the dignity and purity God gives to sex.

Let me first say, there is no need to apologize for wanting our intimate experiences to be pleasurable and satisfying. We want that in our recreation, travels and friendships so why wouldn't one want that in the arena of the most intimate time between a husband and wife? Let me lay some ground work. "Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." (I Cor. 10:31) All that those in Christ need to relate to the name we have taken on! "Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father." (Col. 3:17) Every aspect of our lives are to express one's relationship to Christ, that we are part of Him. This truth doesn't take the pleasure out of intimacy but gives it a real sense of meaning when understood in light of the Lord Jesus!

When things like intimacy are asked and addressed in a marriage, we need to understand the whole of marriage and not just one part. To focus on one part and ignore the whole is spiritually destructive. What hurts our relationship with God hurts our relationship with one another! With that in mind, whatever "fantasies" that goes on needs to be done through honoring one another in the marriage. To help people move to the Lord, that will determine what kind of fantasizing is off limits! There seems to be way too much influence of the world and not enough godliness impacting our thoughts and desires. For one to get "a buzz" from doing violence to our spouse (mentally or physically), or dishonoring them through some imaginary situation, is not uplifting and takes our hearts into a world the Lord never intended. Maybe the question needs to be, "What is the real driving force behind the desire?" Is it marriage or is it something else?

There is more to the actual "act" than the actual "act." The so called "experts" speak of warming things up and getting in the mood with the right settings. But I am not sure I agree with all that in light of what the Scriptures teach and speak of sex. (The Scriptures address it much more than people think.) The sexual act is much richer and broader than what all the experts speak of. We are speaking of two people, a husband and wife, that are devoted to one another and their God, finding their daily walk and routine in this relationship deepening. The intimacy becomes the great added pleasure because they are devoted to the Lord and one another in every aspect of their lives. They work and build that relationship and it reaches to the private matters that no one else is allowed in! It is never right to invite someone else into what only belongs to two. It would not be right physically or in mind to want to cherish such. Our lost and death decaying world makes sex into something God never intended. A person is not some piece of sexual equipment that we need to get some sexual "buzz" out of! To use one another as an instrument we mentally conjure up will not enrich the over-all relationship!

The bottom line, and I am speaking to those who want to glorify the things of God because of Christ, why do we need to conjure up some bizarre fantasy? As one grows in maturity together in the Lord, the intimate engagement with one another will be transformed. Getting closer to God and His intended purpose of creating us will never hurt another! I pray I have addressed this with dignity and the honor of God. Honor the Lord in every aspect of your marriage!