Sometime back a sister in Christ came with a burdened heart. She had committed adultery one time and her heart and conscience were screaming out. She was contrite and repentant and wanted her life to reflect that. The question came: "Do I tell my husband?"
Marital infidelity is a horrible sin and must be viewed that way. It is destructive, a betrayal and dishonors our heavenly Father. Our society accepts it! That is why our society is sick! Movies glorify it, books encourage it and too often many in Christ see it as no big deal, until it happens. But one thing we need to keep in mind, it is not unforgivable!
The question was, "Do I tell my husband?". That depends on a couple of things. First, if the husband and wife can go to God together, praying specifically about her sinful heart and the healing of that, asking God to build their marriage and love to a deeper commitment to each other, knowing that both husband and wife will respond in a godly, forgiving way that will not hesitate, yes, she should tell him! Secondly, to confess to their mate like shooting into the dark, knowing that nothing good will come of it, that it would destroy the husband, the marriage and the children and willing to live with those consequences, to be shamed by the continuing reminder of her immoral behavior and the husband rant and rave about her to others and family, then no, she should not tell him.
Think with me about God and what He does. Does the husband have a right to know who the man was who sinned against him? Does he have a right to call this man to confess to his wife and wound and shame that family? Does it matter that the wife is burdened with guilt and needs to find peace of mind? Does the wife think that God will not forgive her until she confesses her sin to her husband? There are so many questions that arise in this area but one thing needs to be above all in our minds and hearts: We need to find our lives engrossed in the love and life and Jesus Christ. If it can lead to destroy more people, confession to another is not wise. That's why the Bible teaches us to confess our sins to a righteous person because a righteous person understands the devestation and brutality of sin (Jam. 5:16). Read carefully John 8:1-11 and see how Jesus responds to the lady caught in the act of adultery. There are so many things to consider when one asks the question "Should I tell my mate?". The mate may be very weak spiritually and unable to handle such. The Lord is trying to heal and help, not destroy. Our own sinful lives destroy ourselves. We must be more committed to our Lord and Savior to grow into His likeness and stay away from sinfulness. But sometimes, in weak moments, sin rears its ugly head and we fall headlong. It might be something to consider if this person had a practice of immorality or if this is just a one time weakness of the moment. I would encourage her into serious Bible study, pray and looking to God to grow her into the likeness of Christ. I would encourage her to keep away from this weakness and situations ever again. If she is truly repentant and humble in heart, her life will reflect that. If she is just wanting to confess to her husband because she feels like she needs to get this burden off her heart, that could be a selfish expression on her part rather than a genuine, humble and contrite heart going to God who is the only One to forgive. Sometimes people really don't believe in the forgiveness of Jesus. When one is honest and humble, Jesus will work things out for His good and purpose. But if one is just playing the game, they will get caught again and then the consequences could be devastating. You think about it and listen to the word of God: "My little children, I am writing these things that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous." (I John 2:1) By the way, this lady today is a lovely sister in Christ who has moved well beyond what she was and is a fine example to all that know her!
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