"I Don't Love Her!"

While speaking at a lectureship, a fellow about 45 yrs. of age, asked to speak with me personally to discuss some difficulties in his marriage. He opened the conversation with the words, "I am having a mid-life crisis!" He and his wife had been married for 23 yrs. and he began relating how their relationship had changed drastically and he was unfulfilled. His final statement was: "I just don't love her anymore! Am I free to move on with my life and be happy?" I knew what he was asking. I responded with the following: "Is she in Christ Jesus?" He said, "Yes!" I next asked, "That means she is your sister in Christ too. Would you love her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her?" He winced and said, "That's so hard with the way I feel." I continued, "Would you love her as your sister in Christ (I John 3:14-16)?" He looked down and said, "Why are you making things so difficult for me?" Once more I spoke, "If you don't love her anymore, and you see her as your enemy, would you love your enemy and pray for her (Matt. 5:44-45)?" Silence now ruled the conversation. His unhappiness had nothing to do with his wife but his relationship to the Lord.

Often I have heard married couples state they have "fallen out of love." God's will for us is to love on every level. The world speaks about happiness and find your soul mate. If one marriage doesn't work out, find one that will. God speaks to the husband to love their wife as Christ loves the church. God speaks the wife is to love her husband (Titus 2:4). These aren't just nice suggestions by God but a way of life for those living in relationship to Him.

Love is a choice! It's a sacrificial love that seeks the highest good of another more than itself. It's the same identical love that Jesus loves us (Eph. 5:2). Why do people fall out of love with one another? Because they fail to practice the love of God for one another. The one that does not love does not know God (I John 4:8). When a husband or wife finds themselves struggling with the other, if they will put on Christ Jesus and walk in His love, they will find the true love they were missing and desiring all those years. Happiness will be the result. If one refuses to practice the love of God for their mate, their lives will head down the road to more and more defeats and struggles that will eventually consume the heart and destroy the soul. God's ways are always the best and if we believe God, we will follow His will which leads us to life and godliness.